Extended-About Me.

Hi! I'm Ashley. I'm a college student in NYC with a major in Film/Video and a minor in Communications. I'm very intrigued by the editing process of video and film. I enjoy the process, it teaches me patience-- and seem to have a knack for it. There are several other things I seem to "have a knack for" including singing and writing (especially poetry). I find it difficult to find a focused path to follow because I'd like to pursue all of my interests to a professional level, but I don't feel confident enough in any of these skills yet to believe I'll garner achievement. On an abstract level I believe I will be successful and fulfilled "in the end," I'm just finding the path a bit fogged. =S. I'm an artist at heart. Whether it be singing, writing, just doodling, or editing video--I'm compelled to express myself. Singing especially has been with me my whole life, and whenever I sing I feel like I'm Home. In the presence of others I feel I'm giving something special to whoever is listening. Something empowering or healing or both. I feel that I'm doing what I'm meant to, plain and simple. And that is magic to me. Another bit about myself--how I ended up here. I'll keep a very long story as breif as possible. After a specific tragedy in my life I sought to strengthen my spirituality outside of Church (I was raised Roman Catholic). My grandfather(Poppy)'s death in 1999 affected me more profoundly than I could grasp. I was seemingly more overwhelmed with grief than any of my other family members. It might simply be because of the circumstances of his death, but I've come to feel those circumstances had been manifestations of a purpose meant specifically for me. I still struggle to understand this purpose. Anyway, I suddenly needed a confirmation of life after death and to know about our relationship with those who pass on and how I could know Poppy is okay. I was drawn to the New Age section, and there I remain. I've read a lot of books and experienced enough to feel there's more out there for me to learn about my mind, my own spirtuality and how we're all connected. It's lead me here. I've also always been interested in the powers within us all, including powers of creation, and many things I've read have touched upon this subject. I've even realized that I certainly have created certain life situations. As a result of my Poppy's death, I became lost and I ended up on a path detrimental to my physical health. Between my loss, puberty, and my choice to use food to numb myself-- I gained a lot of weight, and up until a few months ago I was clinically obese for a time. Through all of my teenage years l focused on a belief that I was hopeless in my ability to be healthy, and so manifested this 'hopelessly' unhealthy vehicle that I literally found trouble recognizing in the mirror, despite everything I'd read. It took me 6.5 years to find what I'd lost, which was so much more than the physical details I've written here, and to creatively start this much more healthy and satisfying path I'm on now. The time between had been so exhausting, I'm contrastingly content now. I've ended up here today to further pursue my personal and spiritual goals of creation by discovering more of myself and connecting with others through my experiences here, as well as in the world. And that's "a bit about" myself. =)